Old Bones

2011 07 18

Rabbit, Tiger, Panther, Raven Queen

Jul 18

We have arrived at the Raven Queen’s castle. We’re out of food, two of us are unconscious, we haven’t slept in days, and we’re being chased by monsters. The castle is way the fuck in the air and we’re way down at the gates.

We knock on the gate and a guy lets us in and leads us up some stairs to a room with beds. We decide to stay there and rest. Turns out it’s a cell and we’re locked in. Bulwark revives Dashwood and Dashwood revives Skull. Dashwood is starving and starts eating some Undermoss we find. Turns out it’s poisonous and he starts puking. Frizzle tries to do a storm spell to clean up but the room is impervious to magic. We rest. Woot!

Dashwood tries to blackmail the guard. He learns that the guy loves eating small children, and once saved the life of a puppy, but the guy is not threatened because we’re trapped. Frizzle prestidigitations a delicious-looking child beating a puppy. The guy runs to get the Raven Queen. We collect some Undermoss to sell later.

The guy unlocks the door. “The Raven Queen will see you now.” We go up some tiring stairs. We see the Raven Queen. Skull requests aid and the Raven Queen ignores us and stares. Dashwood tries to read her mind and then collapses on the ground in pain as entire lifetimes of experience and eternal torment flash into his brain at once. Ow.

Jovalene goes to talk to the general of the Raven Queen’s army and he says we’re too late, she’s already made a deal with Von Laserstein. The deal is a non-aggression pact and also she likes the idea of the world ending. Everything will be dead and her duty will be fulfilled. Dashwood says “What would happen if one of Von Laserstein’s armies attacked the Raven Queen?” The general says the pact would be over.

“Why is Von Laserstein marching on Sternum?” A spy dude sitting nearby says: “Sternum was supposed to be destroyed, the dead god was rising and somehow Sternum managed to escape. We’re rectifying that problem.”

We are escorted to a room with a bath and beds and stuff. Some half animal people come bringing food. (Tiger guy, Panther guy, and Rabbit guy.) Dashwood psychics them and they’re thinking about how they’re going to spend the money they’re getting from killing us. They were hired by the general of the Raven Queen’s army.

The cats attack with short swords. The rabbit attacks with claws and with poisonous gas. Jovalene sets herself up as a punching bag for one of the cats. There’s a big combat advantage train. Skull kills one of the cat people. Skull and Frizzle end up flanking the bunny temporarily. “Hey Skull, we’re flanking it.” “…What are we supposed to do with that?” “I think we’re supposed to hit it with a stick.” “And get blood on my dagger?” Bulwark kills the other cat. The bunny runs away. We chase him into another room but we can’t find him. Dashwood makes a barrel of bunny catching but there’s no bunny around. He keeps it for later bunny catching.

Dashwood checks his watch and does an insight check. He says “Ooh, I love insight, it’s the only thing I’m good at. Besides lying.” The watch is sending a homing beacon. We go back to our room to collect the food. Dashwood makes an epic barrel of mashed potato holding, which flavors everything like garlic and butter.

We go back to the throne room and there’s a 12-year-old girl on the throne. She’s in a lot of pain. We try to heal her but it’s not a physical problem. Skull tries to undo the girl’s straps but is knocked on her ass by lots of horrible pecking ravens. We look for a key but don’t find one. We hear mailed boots stomping down the hall. “Boots have gender?” Skull tries to pick the lock again and gets hurled across the room.

The general comes in and says we should go home. He has lifted the vail for us. He’s giving us one day We start questioning him. He explains that the Raven Queen is replaced each day from among the dead. He carries out her will based on the advice of the high priests who communicate directly with her at all times. Bulwark asks if he can become a high priest but it turns out he’d have to be dead and chained to the castle forever. The general leaves.

Dashwood makes an epic barrel of raven deflection so we can talk to the Raven Queen. The Raven Queen is pissed the fuck off that we interrupted the process of accepting souls and tells us to go away. She doesn’t want anything and can’t be bargained with. She’s totally cool with her high priests being imprisoned in the basement. She tells Bulwark he can get on her good side by killing 10,000 innocents one by one by himself. Dashwood takes the barrel and tries to read her mind again. He’s fucked up by the psychicness again. He doesn’t gain any cool skills.

Short rest. We portal out. Frizzle says “Once this is all over, don’t bother killing your 10,000 innocents, just kill me instead, because it’ll be worth the same.”

We go to the Wisdom Realm.

2600 exp



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